My time with him was very brief – all told 3 years; half of which was the wedded part – and I eventually left due to severe controlling and emotional abuse. I suffered first from his legalistic treatment, then from the church’s ostracizing when I made independent choices. *gasp* … WHAT ARE YOU DOING THINKING FOR YOURSELF??? Anyway, I’m free of it now, even though for a long time the horrible guilt and confusion plagued me and almost resulted in a return to him (which would have been very, very bad).
Here’s the strange thing now: he is about to marry again, and the woman was a friend of mine before they met each other at nursing school. That’s fine, and I’m honestly glad he has no more need to try winning me back (he kept at it for 9 years), but here I am thinking, “Great, she’s my friend, he isn’t hurt by me any more, we can all hang out!!”
I told you about emotional abuse?
He does not want to be friends with me at all, ever. Okay, no problem.
He also does not want HER to be friends with me at all, ever.
I saw her yesterday in a shopping center and we had a nice long talk. I shared my frustration about what, to me, seems petty and arbitrarily pompous. She told me she ‘takes his advice’ and defers to him in just about everything; that she prefers to be submissive (that, I’m sure, is what has made their relationship work: see, I found out I have some differences of opinion and he was NOT fond of that little development).
I called him after she & I talked, and I shared what I felt. He said he doesn’t believe it’s right for either her or him to have friends who are of the opposite sex, no matter how far back that friendship predates the couple’s relationship. Never mind pals known since childhood: if they aren’t married, it’s temptation.
Anyway, I believe God allowed me out of that circumstance because He knew I went in as naive as a Persian cat who didn’t notice the room was full or rocking chairs.