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I don’t know if anyone else’s husband has this disease, but mine suffers badly. I am anguishing over my checkbook! I keep meticulous records of every purchase, deposit, etc. At any given time, I have a pretty close idea to how much is in the account- if I didn’t, we’d bounce checks all the time! About the time we got married, (3 years ago), my husband developed this strange sickness that I’m calling Receipt Disease (it appears to only affect men).

The problem is trying to get my husband to give me receipts from his purchases so I can put them in our checkbook. No matter how hard I try, the receipt seems to mysteriously disappear between the time that he buys something and gets home from work. Perhaps there is some sub-DNA-level receipt-eating “germ” or parasite that munches the receipts in his pockets and wallet?

Symptoms of this sickness seem to include: glazing of the eyes, shaking of the head while mouthing “uh, I don’t remember buyin’ anything,” and reaching in pants pockets frantically trying to pull out scraps of paper that might resemble a receipt (most of which have been wadded in the pocket so long they’re carbon dates are undeterminable). I’m unsure of the length of the illness, as symptoms appear to have gotten worse rather than improved.

A suggested treatment was to have a centralized location to place the receipts- surely such a mild form of treatment with little to no side effects would work… but NO! The receipts never appear in the pre-specified location. The RECEIPT-EATING parasites have invaded our home!

Does anyone else’s husband suffer from this disease, and if so, does anyone know of a cure? The only other treatment option I’ve considered is taking a large object (I believe someone on this forum once suggested a jar of peanut butter?) and throwing it at his head when I discover a missing receipt- perhaps the shock of the impact would be enough to startle the RECEIPT GERMS into submission…

Electro-shock therapy has also been discussed for this condition, but I fear the waves of voltage might be enough to distintegrate the receipts all together.

Please someone helps before these RECEIPT germs strike again!

In His Grip,

Dana

PS I hope ya’ll know I’m JOKING! and nobody decides to get mad over this… I just thought it was a funny way of addressing a real problem, but if anyone’s offended, I’m sorry in advance… but please, HELP ME KILL THE RECEIPT GERMS!!

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