Home Forums Re: Still hurting


I’m really touched by your kindness and concern despite your own loss.I think you’re incredibly brave to share your story with me.

I couldn’t agree with you more. I think men go into these relationships without thinking how dangerous some situations can be for their own marriages. Thye don’t stop to analyse what they’re doing and are over-confident that they can can handle any situation so that it won’t get out of hand, but they don’t realise how easy the romantic spark can be set alight.

The problem is they are swept away by the attention they get from their new female friends and of course it makes them feel good, and they want to keep going back for more, until their relationship becomes really serious.

In my husband’s case, I could see that he was spending more and more time with one lady in particular.I often saw them giggling away at some inside joke that only the two of them shared. When the two of them were together, anyone could see how well they got on and how comfortable they were in each others’ presence.

I’m convinced he preferred her company to mine because she made him feel wanted, while I was getting more and more upset by the fact that he was neglecting me and actually avoided being with me in public. The more humiliated and rejected I felt, the more I voiced my anger at what he was doing, the more he was running back to his female friend where he felt comforted and safe.

I thank God that I spoke to someone who said I should put my foot down and insist that he break off all contact with her as well as his other female friends who were also a problem.It wasn’t esay and at first he resisted my pleas that he break off this inappropriate friendship, but I stood firm and told him that I would no longer tolerate that kind of behaviour, that’s when he started to take heed of my requests. I asked him how could I give him the kind of attention he was looking for, and he replied that he had always thought we were very happily married and that our marriage was strong enough for him to reach out to these other ladies.

It just goes to show that even happily married men can stray and that sometimes the wife must do all the hard work to get their marriage back on track. Sometimes I resent the fact that I’ve had to work so hard to keep my marriage intact, but hopefully my husband will thank me one day and I know my children will too.

Perhaps he was going through some midlife crisis, but I hope he can get used to foregoing all that extra attention that just spelt trouble for our marriage. He knows I won’t allow him to walk all over me again with all fine-sounding excuses for his behaviour. All in all, the past four years have been really tough, but I’m sure there’s a purpose in this too.

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