My dear friend:
First, I say that you need to have faith in Christ.
Even in your hardships.
Depression is not any easy thing to over come. I do pray and hope that you are receiving the medical treatment that you need. Depression is an illness, that needs medical treatment and healing; along with Spiritial treatment and healing.
Christ can give you the “Spiritial” healing that you need, but you will need to see a Dr. for the “Medical” healing; you also may need a “Spirital Counselor” such as a pastor, or a priest to help you.
I would like to share with you a passage of the Bible Mark 5:1-20. In the passage Christ cast out the ‘demons’ from the outcast. He can do the same for you. You just need to ask him to.
Also, you need to ask for forgiveness. You need to make a ‘confession’ to God for your sins, and tell him how deeply sorry you are for your thought and actions.
You have already ‘confessed’ your sins to your bother and sister, by making this post. However you need to ‘confess’ them to God and ask him for his forgiveness.
My dear, Sister in Chirst, God will forgive you of your sins. That is what is so ‘awesome’ about him! He is a God of love, and seeks nothing more then to have you in his arms and in his kingdom.
Also, know that if this is a ‘cross’ that you can not bare, that you can give it to Jesus and ask him to bare it for you. That is why he came. He came to take our sins, he came to bare our sins for us.
I will pray to the Lord Our God for your healing.
May God Bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand.
Email me if you need anything!