Spiritual warfare is harsh!!! Have you thought of taking natural herbal remedy for the mood control? I am very sensitive to drugs. When I went through depression and anxiety, I had to take natural stuff because the man made drugs were really taking my mind and body for a loop.
Also, the devil tries to use your weakest times to attack you. Stop getting so scared and angry and you will find that the thoughts against GOd will lessen a lot. The devil works at you from the quiet inaudible voice over your shoulder. Tries to make you angry at God. God knows this and he loves you. The neat thing is that when you realize that this is what is happening. You know that it is not really you, and that you know you love God. You do not claim it. You can rebuke the devil. Say get thee beind me Satan and be joyful in the Lord. It sounds to me like the devil is trying to work his way into your heart to make you feel unsaved and cut off. Don’t let him do this. I was a former occultist. Now a spirit filled born again christian. I know the ways that the devil works. He comes as a thief to steal your joy. The Good news is . “Resist the enemy and he will flee from you” Go to a better thought. Write some bible verses down on post cards from the bible. The verses that tell you that GOd reallyt cares for you. Like in Jeremiah . I know the thoughts I have towards you. Thoughts to prosper you and not of evil. Know Jesus and that he does love you. When you ask forgiveness and have true repentence God forgives you as far as the east is the west. He knows your heart and your true intentions. Sure, it’s embarrassing when we admit that the old serpent is actually giving us a run for our money sometimes, or that he did supe us into something stupid. But you know what? Jesus doesn’t care. If you truly are repentent, you have only to ask of him. He will see your heart.
Also, like I said above. I know your problem because I have faced it as well. Fear of losing control of things in our life are not fun. The devil is a thief and a liar and the author of confusion. He wants to get us so angry and confused that we don’t know our head from our tail. Then we get angry at God sometimes…not on purpose, but on the insides. And that just furthers the depressoin that we already feel. The more that you focus on the negative, the more that it will grow and grow and grow. If you want the flowers to grow, stop watering the weeds!
As the apostle paul said. Do not try to push a thought out of your head and get angry. That only plants it further into our spirits because we are fiocusing on it. Instead start automatically finding the most joyous or loving thing that we can replace it with and mostly, focus on nothing but christ and him holding you in his arms in that moment. If violence or anger seep into your mind while you are focusing on this, let them flow in and out. More anger at yourself will only escalate them. Realize that you are in spiritual warfare. Listen to the other voice that is telling you that you are a good person, and that there is nothing to fear. After it realizes that it could not take hold, it will pass and there will be nothing but you in the saviors spiritual arms. You will begin to notice more and more the difference between your own thoughts and satanic planted thoughts. You cannot control what seeps in sometimes. But you can know that it is no different from being around berating human beings. And even better with demons, you can tell them to go away in the name of Jesus, and they have to.
To resist the enemy and he will flee simply means to “Be still, and know that God is God.” There are already angels fighting that battle for you.” Rebuke it from your mind in the name of Jesus” (only once) and then think on something else, even if the pesky serpents are repeating something over and over again in the back of your mind trying to get you to focus on it. It’s like ignoring your Kid when they’re throwing a temper tantrum to get what they want. Just sit back and say, are you finished yet? Know that you and GOd are in control. Eventually they realize they can’t get what they want by making a lot of noise and trying to make a mess and they move on. Besides… “Dad” WILL take care of them and they know it, unless they leave you alone.