Hi I too have had the same problem (evil thoughts against the Holy Spirit. Unfortunetly this passage in the bible has dictated my life, I God knows my heart, he knows I love him I’v been saved sinse five years of age. I rededicated my life at 19 years of age.
I am now 25 At that time I felt God calling me to do something what I don’t know, becouse around that time I start having those bad thoughts. And now I see it was just the enemy trying to stop from doing what God asked of me. It was just a snare. This almost destroyed my life. I have suffered depression, hopelessnes suicidal thoughts. But God has sustained me All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.
As God opens my eyes, I pray that he removes my rebellious thoughts and ways. God has sustained me and I have faith in my salvation.
Thank God for your courage to post this.