Posting anything here is a waste of time.
It is not right to explain the turmoil I live in every single day over this man.
And you know what? I have not been a pushy christian with him. Although maybe I should be.
I don’t think it’s wrong to speak when the Lord opens my mouth to do so, even if it IS to my husband. He’s JUST a man, you know. Jesus is Lord, even over the sinner.
But as it is, I barely speak to the man at all.
So we need not cover that area.
The main issue is just being able to guard my heart from all the pain and dissappointment he causes to me every single day.
Forgiving, and then being stronger.
Strong enough to lay myself beside him at night and not need to nurse the wounds I’ve been given.
Truthfully, every single day I live in the vain hope that today he will come home and give me one of those evil speeches of condemnation for being such a “self righteous christian” and then I will have my legal ground to leave.
But wouldn’t you know, the moment I give in in my heart and I say “forget about love. The man is dirt, I’m gone next time.” Wouldn’t you know that THAT is when the jerk decided to have a change of heart?
I’m not playing games here, I need to forgive this man… but I also need something fundamental and useful for myself today.
I need tips on guarding my heart, dealing patiently.
Heck, I need to be understood.
If you don’t understand, as much as you’d like to, please, just pray.