I’m looking for some perspective

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Chaplain, I don’t suggest that what was “manifesting” was demonic, so much as just a bunch of puss from a very deep wound.

Like a rabies reaction maybe.

It happens a lot. A memory visits me, and since I haven’t dealt with the pain, it overwhelms me more each time.

Truthfully, I’ve felt kicked while I am down, and have learned to attract only that kind of attention.

Regarding my “decision”, none has been made.

THe only decision that has been made is to receive Jesus when he chooses to visit me emotionally, and to obey his will for my life at any cost.

Hence the reason why I haven’t forfeited after all the yelling I’ve received here.

I want what Jesus wants for me. But there is a weaker part of me still, and that’s my heart.

Weak, and self pitying… deep in the trenches of old hurt, and in need of perspective. In need of healing.

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