Dear Brothers and Sisters I am dropping off the radar screen in a downward spiral. I once held an Ordained license with a denomination I believed God called me to but as time passed all I received, well i will not go there, but to say the hurt I received was to the marrow of the bone. My fall began a few years ago and plummeted when the license was pulled. God would not let me fight to keep it, this I felt strongly (and with much anguish)though I really wanted to, for I know God has called me to be a pastor. I have a job that does not let me go to church do to hours and floating days. The pay is good but not great, the work easy but mind draining, I do not like it. My mind is filled with thoughts that years ago would not have found a home. I have had thoughts of suicide and have come close to actually doing it a couple of times. My marriage is barely alive from my point of view, my wife now smokes and will not stop unless “God tells her to!”. I have felt that God does not care about me as nothing is going right financially, spiritually, mentally and physically – I am drained. I do not want to read my Bible, its boring. I do listen to the local christian radio station but now the radio in the car does not receive any station. No cable christian stations to watch, I am on a skiff in the middle of the ocean with no way to move. I NEED PRAYER AND A MIRACLE NOW!!!
There is no church that I would go to in this town and we are 50 miles away from the closest church. If you are praying and feel God leading you to write, my email addy is: firstname.lastname@example.org. I know God has a purpose for my life and though I have not written all that is going on, I feel, somehow, that God led me to do this. Help me, O Lord God, restore me into your glory, my calling, and my blessings from heaven. Forgive me. Save me before I fall into temptation or further into it. Amen.