Kids on the Old and New Testaments n Sunday School, kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy! * In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. * Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. * Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. * The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. * Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. * Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. * The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. * The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. * Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol. * The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. * David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. * Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. * When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. * When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. * Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. * Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." * The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. * One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. * St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. * Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.