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I dont know what to do

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I dont know what to do
I know the end decision is mine but If anybody could help me I would greatly appreciate it.

When I was younger my parents would always go out and drink (later they gave their life to the Lord and stopped) I vowed never to put my children through having parents who drink I meet my now husband and one night while we was still dating he went out and got drunk I told him that I didnt want that for me and my future kids and thinking about marriage he promised me he wouldnt go out and get drunk again. Well after I had our first child (now almost 3yrs) he went out and got drunk again once again I told him I didnt want that for my kids and once again he told me he wouldnt do it again now we have an almost 3yro and a 14 month old and I am pregnant last night he went out and got drunk and lied to me about what he was doing and when he would be home then he got home at 2 in the morning and I wouldnt leave him in and then I took my kids and I came to my moms house to stay for awhile after I left I did leave him into the apartment the thing is with him lying to me I dont know if he has lied to me about him working but really has been out drinking and now that I took the kids he wants me to forgive him and go back to him but I dont want to put my children through what I went through when I was younger but I also dont want my kids going through life without a dad either.

I dont know what to do somebody please help me.
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Re: I dont know what to do In reply to
I am moving this to the Advice forum.
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Re: I dont know what to do In reply to
Hello midiosvive!

These are my own personal and objective opinions. I'd be careful to finalize my decisions with prudence, wisdom and prayerful thoughts in mind. Only you and the good Lord sees the whole perspective of your situation.

From what limited information that you gave, it appears that your husband has gotten drunk 3 times in 3+ years. And that your retaliation was to temporarily separate from him, taking your children with you. Initially, your reaction seemed a bit drastic to me. But like I said, the information given about your situation seems very limited.

Be careful not to make more of a situation than what it already is, nor playing it down either.

Also, I can understand the fears about your parents, but I'd be careful to not allow it to distort my perspective of my own marriage. Your husband is not your mom or your dad, or anybody else. He is who he is, for better or for worse.

By the way, I hate drunkenness myself. And if my own spouse came home that way, I would be concerned, if not alarmed about it. Especially if she'd been driving in that condition, and whether or not it was going to turn into a habitual thing or not, which I'd seriously doubt, even if it did happen. Because her history shows no habitualnesses as far as drinking/dissipation(s) go.

I understand that it's a matter of trust as well. Having been married for 32 years, I too, really hate to be lied to. It can really put a dent in a relationship. It can cause one to wonder if there are other things that the other has lied to me about as well. And then trust has to be rebuilt again. At least, partially. Marriage is a precious and, at times, fragile thing.

The same goes for my relationship with my children. It can even hurt at times. Although it's usually for some silly reason.

Also, I'd try to take a little time to consider the whole matter in it's proper context and perspective. And I'd also try to be careful of overreacting, as well as reacting to others' opinions before making a final decision on my own. Trying to avoid reacting in ways that I would not normally have decided upon on my own, with later regret.

All in all, I hope the very best for you and your family, and that this matter is cleared up for you expediently. So that you and your husband can get on with your regular lifestyle as soon as possible. And that this turns out to be just a bump in the road, soon to be forgotten during better times ahead for you both.

May the showers of the good hope and tidings of the Lord Jesus surround your every thought, dream and circumstance. Blessings to you and yours, amen!

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Re: I dont know what to do In reply to
I would like to give you my story.

My husband and I of 16 years have two children, 10 and 14. Most of our marriage we were drinkers and did the getting drunk on weekends. Even when we gave ourselves to the Lord we did it. Then 4 years ago my sister had a dream (they come true) and in it I lost my husband and kids in a car accident. I promised God and myself that I would never drink again if He spared my family. To me drinking was important to me. To this day I have not had a drink. I told my kids about it too so when my husband and I go out with friends my youngest wants to know what I drank and I tell her coke.

My husband quit drinking for me and after 2 years I did tell him I was ok with it if he wanted to drink. To this day he does drink occasionally, not to get drunk but he does drink.

My moral. I look back over the last 4 years and i am so glad I quit. I am glad my kids didn't continue growing up watching us drink and get drunk. Not drinking has made me see things in a whole new light but it also helps me to teach my kids about drinking. When my husband and I go out and if he has a drink, I drive and I tell the kids that.

Your kids, my kids, everyones kids may or may not try drinking to experiment but it is what you teach your children about drinking responsibly. You nor I can't make our children NOT to drink, they are going to do it if they want to. Yeah seeing parents getting drunk isn't the best but if they have at least one parent who teaches them about it they are in a good position. They have seen our friends get drunk and the stupid things they do. We have told them about when someone gets killed by a drunk driver in the area. It's all about consequences when you drink and would they want that for themselves.

I have had the talk with my teenager about it. She is at an age where she gets rides from friends after school activities and i have told her that no matter what time of night or day, if her ride drinks even one drink do not get in that car. Call me I will get her, I may not like it if its late but I'd rather be upset then lose her and I can get over the upset. I have told them that if they ever feel pressured to try it to please come to me and if it happens that they are at a friends and drinking becomes involved and she ends up trying it to please tell me and still call me for a ride. I have shown them both through my actions and words that they can come to me no matter what. If they spill something dark on a light carpet, I don't yell, I just say clean it up please.

As for your husband lying. I don't know why he did only he knows but most people lie because they don't realize that lying hurts more the lie itself. In his mind maybe he thought you would be hurt more by the drunkeness then the lie if you found out.

I have taught my kids they will get in more trouble if they lie than the damage they did. Even to this day my oldest can't play a game with her sister and lie to win just for fun. Just for fun...cause we taught her about lying.

Marriage takes alot of communication. Sit down and talk. Come to an agreement, an understanding. Pray for him, pray with him.

And as your children grow up show them and teach them what happens with drinking. Personally, I say do not tell them they are never to drink because that may lead to rebellion and curiosity. But that is your choice.

Again, prayer.