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Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts

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Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts
Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts or tips maybe?

I am 29years of age. Started my life with family responsibilities from a young age to the majority of my years until I joined the navy for a good 8 years. I actually ran away from a lot of violence that was happening in the home with mum and dad constantly fighting, and dad hurting mum.

Mum was raped before she met Dad so she wasnít easy to connect with I guess when Dad and Mum got together. But Dad and Mum got married when she fell pregnant with me because thatís what you did back in that day w family, parents , religion, reputation, image.

There was a lot of conflict throughout the whole my 18 years at home.

Mum always took things out on me when Dad had gone to work, or just as he was leaving, she was always nasty, yanking me, digging her nails into me, squishing my face with a pillow, lots of dark things. Dad was always stressed out, because I guess he had a hard upbringing with his Dad dying when he was 13years old and has a Mother of 8 kids. His mum was an alcoholic after the death of her husband. The kids literally grew up on the street. So Dad was in a lot of rugged situations, fights and in and out of prison.

I know I suffered a lot of brain damage because Mum was always picking on me and making me lie about things, her smoking behind Dads back, or bruises shed given me, or shed have bit my ears and theyíd be scabby. I always pretended I had gone to school but mum always had me at home doing all the house work while she would sit infront of days of our lives and tele and eating a lot. I know for a fact us kids were always hungry. We were bony and so skinny and would tell Dad we just had a high metabalism. Though I remember we hardly had plentiful food anyway or a good amount on our plates for us kids. Dad was always home late a lot after working on the farm. Then out drinking.

As I got older, I never went to school, college, I would be helping Dad on the farm. And sometimes Mum would need me at home with the kids, changing nappies etc. And Dad would tell Mum to drop us kids off at school, sometimes she would if Dad was having a sick day at home, but it was hardly ever.

The navy was terrific, but a struggle at first. I got accused of being anorexic because I was so underfed and skinny. I had trouble connecting to people because I never got that social confidence as a child.

But I still endured the years in the navy, even as a quite girl in the beginning. But the more fun I was exposed to, the more happy times I craved, I got myself into a lot of dangerous situations with boys, or with alchol, because I didnít want to think of my past. I would act on any impulse to be happy, so I got into a lot of trouble once I did 4 years in the navy. Meanwhile a guy friend I had made had fallen in love with me, it took him 3years and we were together finally. Although it was very hard for me to settle down, because I was afraid that I would be owned or unhappy like my mum and dad were.

We were together for two years and it ended. He couldnít handle my outbursts of tears or need for attention. I was just too complicated to be with. I wanted to go out dancing and drinking still. I felt costaphobic at home and didnít know how to be happy at home. I couldnít relate to all his friends he had grown up with from school, I couldnít talk about my childhood like his friends would have good memories and say remember this, remember that. I would feel choked up and quite. Also because I just felt dumb.

When you are deprived of education and social skills you feel dumb.

When you are beaten in the head over and over and remember passing out, you feel dumb.

Still to this day I feel dumb. I left the navy because I was so broken, and felt weak and no urge to go on. I felt so alone and didnít have an urge to be anybody.

Still to this day I feel unmotivated. I have been involved in drugs for comfort, and hung out with a lot of messed up people because I could relate to them.

But through and through, as usual, I felt betrayed, and felt no direction. There was just too much danger and trouble that I had put myself into without even knowing it.

Looking back now, I have had a very unstable life since leaving the navy.

I have tried to work, with a Property Investments company. I was the database girl and tele-consultant along with others who were at university or who had degrees. I felt so different yet again, I couldnít relate to others. I felt so inferior and so unhappy without any friends. My two friends I had made in the navy had left the navy when I was in my relationship so when I came out of it I felt alone and lost.

I donít really socialise with anyone or have the heart too because I am sick of myself and really donít see the point in trying to be anyone because somehow life constantly reminds me of how different I am, how frustrating I can be because I donít understand things. I find it hard to connect to people. I donít understand a lot of things in life because I wasnít taught by a normal mother or had that mother bond with anyone. I have been on my own since I have left the navy, and constantly hear people say that I am weird or slow. So I just donít know what to do. I feel miserable because I feel I have a mental condition, but donít know what to do about it, and hate being constantly reminded that I am somebody that is just in the way. I am continually crying and hating myself. I also do not know where or what I should be doing. Everything I try to attempt I seem to muck up, or fail. I just have lost drive to go on in life, but seems easier to do what my mother did, stay home and gaze into the television. Which makes me even more miserable, because I canít even go to the supermarket and feel normal, I feel like I should dissapear.

What should I do?

I wish I could just know how to not be a problemd person and be good at something and feel good about it.

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Re: Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts In reply to
Father God, I thank You for bringing this woman to us for prayer and all that You have planned for her. Lord, You know all that has gone on in her life and in those of her parents. I ask that You grant favor on her and put others to come alongside her as she tries to find her way in life. May she have people who can be positive role models, someone who she can talk to about direction in her life, and people of God who will pray for her in her needs. We love You, Lord, and know that all these things are possible by and through You. In Your precious and holy Name. Amen.
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Re: Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts In reply to
First off Iam a 62 yearold minister who long ago walked that path you have, So now Iam praying deliverance. from the self guilt that you feel.
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Re: Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts In reply to
Angel, I am moving your post to the Advice area of the forums. Members are not allowed to give advice (tips or boosts) in the Prayer Requests forums.

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Re: Hi, I would just like some motivation boosts In reply to
Angel, there are several things I want to say to you. You have had a really difficult life. It is no wonder that you are discouraged. I want to encourage you that your life can change but Jesus has to do it. You cannot do it in your own strength.

I don't know if you know anything about Jesus or if you have ever prayed to Him to take over your life. That is where you need to start. Here is a sample prayer you can use. Pray it out loud.

Father God, my life has been a mess. I am tired of living this way and always feeling worthless. I know I have sinned, and I ask You to please forgive me for all my sins. I ask now that Jesus would come into my life and take it over because I am tired of trying to run it myself. I ask this in Jesus' Name, amen.

Once you have prayed this prayer, begin talking to God and/or Jesus as often as you can. He has come into your heart and will guide and direct you as you listen to the still small voice that speaks to you in your mind.

That is a start for you. I'm sure others on here will have more to say, and I will be watching for your posts. But nothing can change until you pray.

May God bless you.