I was married for about 7 years to a man I've been in love with since I was 15. We were saved together, baptized together, and because of prayer blessed with an amazing littly boy. He is 5 now. A couple of years ago I was deployed and my husband had an affair. It hurt so bad, little did I know then that it was nothing compared to the pain I feel now. I felt God telling me to fight for my family, but when an e-mail from the other woman was sent I saw nothing but jealousy and I came home and filed for divorce. I acted on my own feelings instead of what God told me to do. After the divorce the affair my husband had didn't work out, but he still moved off from my son and I. We were alone in a state with no friends and no family for almost a year. We had our trials and ups and downs. I learned that it didn't hurt as much if I cut my ex out of my life all together. I turned my back on him and was moving forward in my life. An opportunity came up for me to get out of the service full time and come home to my home state and serve part time. I applied and got accepted. My ex had moved on and was living with someone, but we started talking again and he wasn't happy. When we finally got moved back home he started coming around more and it felt like we could be a family again. I let my heart open back up to him and my son was the happiest I'd ever seen him. Everything felt right again. Then a time came recently when my ex said he was going to try again with his last girlfriend. It hurt so much and I didn't know how to deal with it a second time around. I completely let go and gave up my heart again and he ran off with it again. It wasn't long and my ex told me he didn't think it was going to work with her and he was done with her. At the same time I felt God tell me to fight for my family. To love them and never give up. So instead of doing what I did last time and cut my ex out of my life I decided to fight for my family this time so I gave it my all. I opened my heart up yet again and things felt like they were going to be ok. He was coming around again and my son and I were happy. Then, my ex tells me that his ex girlfriend is pregnant. He didn't know what to do and there was a lot of conflict with her, she threatened abortion if he didn't make his family with her and not me and I told him I would support him and help him in any way I could. Then, he stopped coming over, stopped calling and now he is telling me he doesn't love me and he still has feelings for her. He's thinking about moving her here with him because she has a kid with another man and now one with him and that she feels God gave her that child of theirs so they could be a family together. I tell him I feel God has told me to fight for our family, fight because we made vows to each other. He didn't marry this other woman, but he said he likes saving people and she has had a hard life and she needs help. What about me and my child? I know that is selfish, but now I'm so confused. I felt God told me to fight and I know I can't change anything that only God can, but how do I get through my day to day life facing this pain? How do I help my son when he asks why his daddy can't live with us? I don't know how to go on. I was fine a few months ago when I didn't have my ex in my life and now I'm back where I started. Falling down this bottomless pit and I see no way out. I have faith in God, and I know only HE can change things in His timing. How do I deal with the now? How do I cope when this woman moves down here with him and my child asks why his dad is with another family and not with us? Has anyone been through divorce that knows what I'm going through? I just don't know what to do anymore.

First let say my name is Jim and I am a minister about 66 and 6 kids and 7 grandchildren. Now to your questions--Are you separated from the military yet or are you still on reserved duty and the reason I am asking is do you have access to a chaplain you could feel confident talking to? reason being you need a flesh and blood person who can rationally talk you through this.
If that's not possibleI will write you to the best of my ability from the word of God.
1st priority --Noah and how this will affect him
2nd priority -you and being stable enough to make rational decisions for the immediate future long term
3rd priority-financial-Your ex as you call him now has legal responsibilities to both you and your son.
From your email it appears this was not a choice you would make but it is here now and must be dealt with.
By the word of God if your husband had not not been involved physically with this other woman;many choices might be open to you but when the physical relationship happened spiritually your covenant of marriage with him was broken and what ever happens here will depend on how much you rely on the Grace of God. This is the part of what is going that will depend on your relationship with God.

I think part of your desire to work this out is the insecurity of an immediate future with a husband.. Let me say this Ihave gone through this with my first wife. She died of cervical cancer . It was hard those first few months alone so I know what the fear might be. As long as you can be faithful to your faith and your God he will walk you through this and give you hope for tomorrow.
m7th
m7th--circle of revival

Nice to see you here again. And I love the beautiful picture of you and Noah.
I do think you need someone you can talk to like a Chaplain or a Pastor. They will be able to pray with you and for you and answer your questions scripturally. Noah is the most important person in this situatiom. You need to answer his questions as honestly as you can while regarding his age.

One thing you did not address is if you and your husband are being intimate. It would be wise to abstain until he has been tested for STD. And if he continues his relationship with her, it would be wise to abstain all together.

We here at Praize will continue to pray for you and Noah, as well as your husband, that he weill come back home to the Lord where he belongs. God bless.
Blessings ~ Sarah

I am still in the service, but I'm only part time so I only go one weekend a month. Two days out of the month isn't a lot of time to sit down with a chaplain. I have in the past when I was full time and he helped me tremendously. I have a pastor now I've met with and it's helped but it's more of a "we are here for you and will be praying for you" type of meeting. I was instructed to definetely do what God has told me to do and fight for my family. I feel so much better at church, but when I come home or when I'm alone is when the pain comes back or when the devil sets his sights on me and fills my head with all the images of my ex with his new family and how I'm going to always be hurting. My ex said that the woman he got pregnant is telling him that God has given her that baby so they could be a family together. He told me that he still has feelings for her and he feels nothing for me. He said when he is with me it's like he is living a lie and it's all about feelings. When not that long ago he told me he wasn't going to base his decisions on feelings. He said the woman is going to need his help because not only is she pregnant with their baby but she has another child with a differnt man so she is going to move down here with him. He told me he likes to help people and he likes to save them and she is one of those people that has had a hard life. I guess my child and I don't need help. He does his part financially, but for some reason I think he thinks she needs more help and since he has feelings for her then that's that. I've quoted 1 Corinthians to him about if a woman separates from her husband let her remain single unless otherwise reconciled to her husband. He reads down farther where it says this is my opinion, totally disregarding the passage below it that says I speak with the spirit of the Lord in me. He picks out passages to throw at me, but doesn't fully read the rest of it. I honestly feel like God has told me to fight for my family and to hold on. Do you think I'm just clinging to the idea of just having a family again and being someone's wife is why I'm hanging on so tight? My ex seems to think everyone's marriage is full of fire and because ours wasn't 24/7 then it wasn't meant to be. Yet he doesn't know if he loves this other woman he just knows he still has feelings for her. Even though if it weren't for a baby fixing to come he said he was through with her. They broke up a long time ago before they moved out of their house and that had nothing to do with me. Obviously they weren't meant to be but it's like now he is trying to make it work with her for their families sake and the family he started with and the wife he had isn't worth that fight? I don't understand. He says it's because I still love him, but when I read that scripture in Corinthians it still referred to the man as her husband. Not her ex not the father of her children, but her husband. We made vows and yes they were broken, but don't those vows deserve a reconciliation more than a pre-marital relationship that resulted in a baby? I've told him I would accept the child because it is a part of him and a part of my son, but I feel like he is so lost in his way of thinking. Maybe it's me, maybe I need to, but I know the harder I fight the harder I get attacked. Why would the devil be attacking me so much if I weren't doing something he didn't want? Noah doesn't know about the baby yet, or the fact that his father will be living with another family instead of us. I don't know how to tell him when it comes to be. He is so innocent and doesn't understand why daddy doesn't live with us. I just can't shake this feeling of God telling me "hey, it's not over yet. This isn't the end. Just because it may look like it I'm not done working so don't give up faith." I can't ignore that but at the same time holding on to it makes things so much harder. My pastor says that if I'm being attacked this hard then the victory will be even greater when it comes.

Thank you for the update. I'm sure everyone will continue to keep you and your situation in prayer. I only have a couple of suggestions for you:

1) Fight in prayer and not in action
2) If you are a writer, journal your feelings
3) Click on Catagories (on Praize), then Sermons and Merlin Carothers. Listen to his first tape and listen ALL the way through. It will take about an hour, so put the time aside so that you can listen to it all in one sitting.

God has a wonderful plan for your life. He is not surprised by your husband's behavior. I'm glad that you and Noah are in church. Keep in touch. God bless ~ Sarah
Blessings ~ Sarah

Bible-wise you are released from this experience by God because your husband departed in fornication/adultery and has compounded that sin with starting a separate family with child. You are free to remain single or re-marry, having not committed adultery and giving the man cause to put you away in divorce. Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Scriptures take the wife's side too, such as in those Corinthians scriptures you mentioned. The problem for Christians is when one or the other married person wants to leave over disagreement over Christ. In that case one is to let the unbeliever depart if they want to leave, else stay and do your part to convert the other. Abandonment releases you. The Bible doesn't exclude you from having a sensible right to depart from a marriage when abused like this. The marriage ended in God's eyes when your husband began an affair and didn't repent, but rather deepened that sin.

No doubt God might continue to reach your husband in an effort to save him out of his rebellion, but only for a season. I don't think I've ever seen it work out to a pleasant conclusion with allegedly God telling a wife to not give up when unrepentant adultery is ongoing. Abandonment of family is a very serious issue, the Word calling such a man an infidel. The reason you are not likely called by God to keep taking the man back is because your ex husband is headed for judgment in this life and that to come. Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Such sinners are cut off from blessing and face a hard life that the innocent victims left behind don't deserve. Whatever he believes mentally has obviously not "taken", and whatever he might impart to Noah is surely useless, even harmful.

While Noah is so young and impressionable, he is being exposed to a foul father image. Much more damage to Noah is likely to exceed what's happened to you if that isn't interrupted. As he grows older he can handle more information, but preferably when suitable substitutes are in his life, like a godly loving new father who can help you explain what happened. Prayerfully consider finding a youth ministry where Noah could benefit from good male role models. The Assemblies of God promote Royal Rangers http://royalrangers.com/ for boys age 3 through 7th grade. Also, around our area we have a very strong classic Cub and Boy Scouts headed up by well respected community leaders. As soon as Noah completes kindergarten or is in the 1st grade he is eligible. There are other similar programs in churches and public organizations that help boys and girls grow up healthy and happy.

If your ex and girlfriend actually move close by consider moving to where there are assets for Noah, and opportunities for you to move on with a blessed life.

You probably qualify for sole guardianship of Noah given the things your ex has done. The sooner you make that legal the better, else the girlfriend could end up being "Mommy" on weekends.

We're all praying for you and Noah.
I pray God will enrich you with His wisdom beyond your years.
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Be fishers of men

Is it unchristian like to cut someone out of your life? Would God see it as hardening my heart and being unforgiving if I were to cut my ex husband out of my life? I feel like when he is around (texting his new family) that I'm just pouring salt into an open wound. Like I'm inviting satan himself into my home to take shots at me. When he is around I get sick and start to feel that sinful nature come upon me. I get jealous, angry, hurt, hate, and wish bad things on people. I've cut him out of my life before but my son I feel payed for it. He didn't like his dad because he could tell I didn't like him. I love him, but I can't keep being witness to his sinful decisions. He is deciding to live out of wedlock with this other woman and their family. To make a family with a woman who he continues to have pre-marital sex with. He obviously isn't a man of God. He isn't let God into his life to guide him, instead letting his feelings and other people tell him what the right thing to do is. I don't want my son to grow up thinking his lifestyle is ok. My ex thinks the reason I don't want Noah around the other woman is because it's my way of getting back at him, but honestly I don't want him thinking that what they are doing is ok. Am I being selfish or hardening my heart by protecting myself from this man? I will continue to pray for him and I will always love him, but I feel like I can't be his friend right now. He is deciding to do something that I don't believe in. He's making a decision based on flesh and not faith. Could God have told me to fight for my family that day to show me that this man isn't a God fearing man, instead he is basing his and his son's future on his current feelings and fleshly desires? Something inside of me right now is telling me to distance him from my life. That me keeping up this same routine with him is like a sheep eating poisonous grass and wondering why their stomachs hurt afterward, yet they get right back up and eat it again tomorrow expecting a different result. I'm praying God helps me make the right choice for my son and I and we can move on to a better happier life.

I think with your own words you have released the truth in that post. Now you are taking a real look at all the facts, and can move on to deal with them one by one.

I also believe you have been told by God to fight for your family. Consider the extent of your family. Who is your family? If you say to me it is you and Noah, I would agree God would want you to fight for that. If God isn't really telling you to include your ex husband, then you could make a grave error resulting in including him and his friend, adding unbelievers and curses into your family circle.

When first married there was an ordained relationship, God first over you both, then you were submitted to God under your husband, priest of the household, who was responsible to God for you. Then God gave you Noah. Noah then fit in to that heavenly triangle under both of you, each responsible to God for his welfare. But you explain how your ex has rejected the marriage, even declaring that to you.

From what you've shared so far, you didn't cut your husband out of your life. He did that. Someone else is his family now, for which you have absolutely no responsibility before God or that canceled marriage vow.

Forgive him right away. When you do that you will be able to carry on with a clear conscience, focusing on the responsibility God has left in your hands, your son. But know that godly forgiveness doesn't require re-setting a relationship and starting over to build it back. I'm reminded of how many times Jesus and apostles like Paul were betrayed by former disciples who should have been trusted friends. Jesus warned that the world would hate them because it first hated Him. Even so He forgave all, and so did Paul, though that didn't restore those they lost. Regardless, move on doing the Lord's will.
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Be fishers of men

I didn't answer your question.

Luke 17:4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Jesus put a condition for forgiveness in there most people forget. If an abuser says "I repent", then quickly forgive. The sum total of forgiveness on our part is not to hold an offense against someone. We are not commanded to forget what happened, something only God can do by choice. However, as a matter of practicality, if for instance the offense is that the offender keeps injuring you to create a medical emergency, then you are wise to separate yourself from the abuser even though he keeps saying he repents of that. Forgive then depart, clearing him of past offenses. That's an extreme example, but meant to show you are never required by God to continually expose yourself to danger or disaster through forgiveness, especially putting a child in harm's way.

I think it is appropriate to assume there is no benefit toward the offender to whom forgiveness is offered if there is no attempt or intention to repent (declare and determine to go in an opposite direction from the offense). The one wiling to forgive receives all benefit of that, between you and God.

When we tolerate continual sin, especially within our household, the inevitable result will be a hardening of hearts. All of us are subject to hardening of the heart when we insist on doing what is right in our own eyes rather than do what God says is right for all parties involved.

There are Bible examples of when to "cut out" people from our lives. Remember, you didn't cut out your ex husband. But now you and Noah should consider making that separation permanent, but with a clean heart. Please read the whole passage around the following.
1 Cor. 5:[11] But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. [12] For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? [13] But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

Even false teachers that can come deceiving are to be "cut out". Romans 16:17 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
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Be fishers of men