I am Christian, married to a Christian. I was raised up in church my whole life and understand the importance of daily time in God's Word. My husband, however, was moved around through a lot of different denominations, and was forced through a Catholic school education. He now has a marked lack of interest in reading the Bible and doing any study in it. I have asked him repeatedly to read the bible and do some studies with me, and he keeps putting me off. Any suggestions on how I might be able to sway his antipathy, and make him desire to learn more about God? At this point, he knows very little about the Bible, and can't actually explain about his salvation- he just says he knows he is saved.

While I surely understand and know what you are speaking of, having been there and still working on it, I know that putting God's word into our hearts is vital. But what is also truly important is each of your own personal relationships with God. Each person has their way of sharing faith, studying or not, and living and growing in their Christian walk. Having grown up as Catholic, as did my hub, traditional habits are difficult to overcome. I've been attending another church for some time and now he even joins me at times. It took many years, we've been married 19, for him to begin to start going to a bible study with me, much less my church. I had to look at my spirituality though cuz I felt like I was dying, and because we respect each other he was okay with me doing what I needed to do. While he doesn't regularly read the bible I do know he believes. God continues to bless us as we grow in Him. Be patient as your hubby grows in faith and becomes more comfortable in sharing it outwardly rather than internally. It is a hard lesson for some that have been in a very structured religion. My hub doesn't speak much about God nor do we discuss things in depth. But knowing he is listening and hearing God's word and having contact with what God teaches us has to be my compromise. The harder you push, the more they will withdraw and be uncomfortable.



I don't know if you 2 pray together, but there is a great book by Dr. James Dobson and his wife Shirley called Night Light, A Couples Devotional. This book isn't just a devotional but stories and a good way to start praying together and growing stronger together and also apart. It has been a blessing to us. I never thought the day would come where we'd do this together, something that I do desparately wished to happen. God bless you as you discover His way in your lives.

You echoed the same words my mother gave me when I asked her about my dad. He's a pretty strong Christian, but she said he wasn't when they got married and it took him years to get there. I guess I didn't really notice it when I was younger. Thanks for the recommendation on the book. I'll check it out. I am reading one now called "Powerful Promises for Every Couple", by Jim and Elizabeth George, and it's pretty good. It talks to you as a couple and a single partner, in case the other doesn't want to be involved, and then at the end of each section has a perspective for both husband and wife. I think I just need to be patient...

I would say, not to take it personal, that he doesnt want to do it.



I would venture to say, its not being with you, thats his problem, its the conviction he perhaps he is having inside,



and you mentioned something about him knowing he's saved, but not knowing how, or willing to explain it.



not knowing your husband, but being a man myself, and in similar circumstance at an earlier time in my life, before I was married,



I went to RCC school in Connecticut, and then when moved to Arizona went to an Episcopal church religiously.



when ever I came across an baptist, or other evangelical conservative,



and they said "born again", or saved, I hated those words(inside),



and at the time thought them to be self-righteous pompous hypocrits(imaging them with fake smiles, ready to sin after they left my presence)...



maybe, just maybe, privately, he feels the same way,



but no way in the world would ever say that to you, the one he loves the most(and needs).



I would recommend, somehow, someway, thru prayer and Godly intervention,



another couple whose husband in bold in proclaiming the faith,



come into both your lives,



and maybe, he needs to be convicted/tasked(mens egos are wonderous, you know), gently and friendly,



through another man.



maybe, there are other reasons, that God wants it done this way.



just an thought.

I think you are right about what you said. His "religious" background went from Catholic to Lutheran to Unitarian, with the Catholic high school he absolutely hated, and none of those choices were his. To this day he can't remember one thing from his religious ed classes because he made a point to fail (I saw his report card, he definitely made a point to fail). I recently joined a new ministry organization called Christian Military Fellowship (He's military) and they provide different devotions and other learning materials. I am hoping if I can give him a perspective that's a little more tailor-made, so to speak, he might be more interested, and hopefully, take a bit of initiative to learn. We'll see.

I know one thing with speaking with my hub is really trying to separate church in itself from a personal relationship with God. It is the personal part that sometimes is difficult to discover since one feels by being 'good', obeying His laws, etc. is enough. God does want us to fellowship with other believers but that doesn't take place of the personal part He wishes even before that. That at times is a hard concept that God, by His grace, will grant us that personal relationship when we seek Him. Old childhood teachings die hard. Sometimes that feeling of I'm not worthy, which we aren't, or 'don't bother God with something you should be able to take care of' etc. often creeps into character.



I totally agree with finding fellowship with other couples. That helped immensely with us and his own involvement beyond going to church on Sunday. It occurred on a social aspect first, and my hub found some wonderful Christian men who are now good friends. The stereotypes have been diminished and has freed him to explore fellowship with 'just men', going to our couples group without me when I have to work - which I didn't think would ever happen, to actually encouraging me on the nights I'm exhausted and just wish to stay home. I think you are craving for your husband to be the spiritual head if I'm reading into what you are posting. I know that feeling and I do not wish to be in that role. So I continue to pray that the day will come where he will do so and we can more fully share God with others, including going on mission trips. God bless you both. Know I'm praying for His wisdom and discernment to be laid before you.

Hit the nail on the head with that. He isn't the spiritual head, and it does bother me. But, I also don't want to be a nag and force him to do it. Then he'll just be resentful.

I my goodness! It is as though I wrote these letters. My husband and I have been married 37 yrs. It took him 17 yrs. before he was saved and started attending church with me and the boys. I was excited when this happened, not being from a Christian home, I thought great now I can have some spiritual support. No! I am excited he gets God's word and attends with me, but that is it. He is not the spiritual leader. Never brings up anything about his faith unless I do. Then his answers are short.



When I go through depressed days or hard trials, it would be great for him to pray with me. Never!



I have read many articles and books, and of course, they say that most men just don't talk, about anything. I am not sure why they want to keep everything in, esp. things of God. I so desire to share and speak of God's blessings and encourage each other.



It really upsets me, I feel so alone even when he is here. I just want to scream sometimes ...TALK TO ME! He turned 59 this year and the older he gets the quieter he gets. Some women I suppose would count that a blessing....LOL.



Anyway, I suppose it boils down to us and God! That is what really matters. And thank God for Christian friends!

It interests me how similar we are! Though my husband has always been a believer, for many years he was "out of season". I, on the other hand, searched desperately for a church to call home. I dragged the poor guy from the Chatolics Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Lutherans, Presybeterians, Baptists, Methodists, back to the Catholics (where he converted at my request, having myself grown up Catholic) and finally to the Pentecostal church where God planted us!



He doesn't have a great burning desire to read the Bible or study either and I have come to understand that my salvation and relationship with God doesn't depend on his level of lack of commitment to read and study. We have an excellent relationship with each other, worship together and run the youth group together. Yes, I do most of the planning of study materials... go figure... But it works for us. I don't stress and yell and he's come around more and more, praise God!!



With love in Christ,

Ellen

milmissiongirl



Any suggestions on how I might be able to sway his antipathy, and make him desire to learn more about God? At this point, he knows very little about the Bible,



Tell him you would like to do some of the things a beloved would like to do for her husband. But first he needs to read Song of Songs in order to be able to respond appropriately.



After he has got the hang of putting Song of Songs into practice, try him on the book of Esther, (a good yarn in which the word God does not appear even once).



Then if he still keeps showing interest in putting 'scripture' into practice, try suggesting he read Marks Gospel in one afternoon, while you agree to read a book on his favourite pastime, (football?) at the same time? With the prospect of a bit more Song of Songs together later on in the evening.



I don't know about your hubby, but I know it would sure work for me.



Love CHris.

I can relate to the concern about faith differences between partners. I know that everybody's faith is somewhat unique, but I need to know how to address the subject of Christianity with my girlfriend. I truly love her, so I must be sure of her Christianity before I "pop the question" because I vowed to God after my 1st marriage that I would be "evenly yoked" before ever remarrying. But how do we discuss this without feeling judged or judging the other, since we are in different spiritual spots?



I have noticed that she has said things like, "I've been a Christian all my life," and "I've been a 'good person'" (saved by works?). She shies away from what she calls "Jesus movies" or "Jesus stuff". At the same time, however, she does go to church with me and has shown interest in small groups.



How do we discern for our sakes (hers, mine, and God's) whether we are spiritually fit for each other in God's eyes without offending anyone? God says that Christians are only free to marry other Christians (II Corinthians 6:14). Does this command not give us each some right to be assured that we both ARE Christians? How can we both know that our houses are built on rock and not sand? How can this be done LOVINGLY and COMPASSIONATELY, to establish a strong, God-honoring union which I want our marriage to be?



(Because, ideally, with both of us having that similar relationship with God--that bedrock foundation--I envision our own unique differences in our faith, perpectives, and our own individual ways of expressing that faith and love for God to be COMPLIMENTARY, EXCITING and FUN WAYS TO GROW TOGETHER--NOT HINDRANCES or Road blocks to our spiritualty but ways to learn from each other and continue to grow together as married Christians.)