Praize Blogs

For so long I have prayed "Dear God I'm broke please fix me", I felt nothing happening in my life,and I questioned why?  More than likely it wasn't God that was the issue, it was me who had the issues, I just couldn't see them. Maybe I failed to notice that I had an issue with pride? Or maybe I wasn't allowing Christ to live in me and through me? All I know is since my wife kicked me out of the house, and then divorced me, I have had hidden issues that needed to be dealt with, and last weekend God finally got me to the place where He could break through my shell, and break my heart.

I went on a mission trip with the men from my Church. Before that weekend God had already begun to break through my walls, as I begged him to change me. The Lead Pastor from my Church led the retreat, and the first night he confronted us with our sin issues that needed to be dealt with. He used the story of the man lying beside the pool at Bethesda, waiting and wanting to be healed, but could not make it into the water because he was crippled. He begged for someone to help him into the water when it was stirred by the angel of God, but no help came to him. Until Jesus came along, saw this man, and ordered him to pick up his matt, and walk. The man was instantaniously healed, got up, picked up his mat, and soon went on his way.

Sometimes we desire to healing in our lives, but we can't seem to get it no matter how hard we pray, but there are things that hinder our prayers. Unconfessed sin is one of the biggest things that stop God from working in our lives. God wants desparatly to heal us, but can't until we are surrenderd to him, having confessed our sins, and seeking to be made pure again.

I went on this retreat expecting to hear from God in a real way, and he was waiting to touch me in a special way. Pastor G asked all the men to write down on a slip of paper whatever sin was controling their lives, what do you want God to heal you of? I wrote 'LUST', and so did many other men, seems I wasn't alone in this anymore. The next morning in our first session we broke into small groups to discuss what went down the night before. I began to share my heart, and as I did the Spirit of God touched me, and I began to weep as I spoke to the men about sin.

I shared how "I don't think that we really grasp how vile and nasty our sin really is too God".  "Sin and the sin of self-righteousness is a stench in the nose of a Holy God", and the men agreed with me, and we had some sweet fellowship together. Now I realize that Jesus handled my sin past, present, and future on the cross, bearing the wrath of God that I justly deserved. I am forever humbled and indebted to God for making this sacrifice on my behalf. If it was not for the love and grace of God we would all be doomed to an eternal separation from him.

For so long I have been struggling, and still I have things to struggle with, but everyone does, so I'm not alone. Soon God will point me to a new job so I can again support myself insted of relying on family for help. I pray in time he will lead a special women of God into my life so I am not alone all the time. I long to know his plan for me, to understand God's will for my life. Now to just keep trusting God to lead the way, and I must follow in faith,believing his Word, and relying on His Grace.