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Sat, Feb 10 2018 - 12:26 AM

Estrangement by Adult Children of their Parent(s)

To my knowledge there is on one here on Praize that knows me.  I apologize in advance for the length of this post however I simply want to bring awareness of the
"silent epidemic."  Those of you reading this have no idea of the daily heartache within me.  The reason was something I would have bet my life would never happen to me - Never.  But the reality is it did happen to me and I am not alone - it is becomimg an epidemic.  Thousands perhaps millions of parents across the world are members of a group they would never have chosen "Parents abandonded/estranged/shunned by their adult children."

We are parents who continue to love our children and most of us would welcome our adult children a part of our lives again, but with caution and some boundaries.  We are parents who are not, nor were drug users, alcoholics or abusive to our children.  We are parents who did the best we knew raising our children.  We are parents who in most situations do not know why this happened.

We are grandparents who in many cases are not allowed to see or be with our grandchildren.  Most of us grandparents did have a great deal of interaction with our grandchildren until for whatever reason(s) their parent(s) decided to punish us and the children by refusing to let us be a part of the grandchildren's lives any longer.  Some of us are able to see pictures on FB until the parent decided to block us.

I have been without my adult children, all daughters, for 6 1/2 years, 11 months after their Dad, my husband of 45 yrs died and my youngest grandchild who is now 13.  Two of my six grandchildren have been a part of my life because my son-in-law would not allow their daughters to be a part of this estrangement.  Three are in their 20s have chosen recently to be a part of Gramma's life.

There is nothing more painful and heartbreaking for a parent(s) to experience than abandoment by an adult child(ren).  If you choose to judge and believe "there must have been something terrible the parent(s) have done - first, this is not the case with 99% of parents and certainly was not in my case and second please walk in my shoes and the thousands of other parents' shoes before making a judgment.

I am a Christian woman who loves the Lord and lean on Him to walk with me all these years.  One night on my knees in prayer and tears I asked God "what do you want me to do about this estrangement?"  He spoke to me after a few minutes "Be Still and Know That I am God."  Probably most of the people on Praize have experineced God speaking to them many times, however this was the first time in my life I knew, that I knew that God had spoken to me.  Jesus reached down in the throws of the hell I believed I was living, took my hand and has never let go.  It is because of Him I am on this earth as I really did not want to live since everyone I loved dearly was taken from me. - my husband to death and my daughters as my "living losses"  and some of my grandchildren with whom I had been a part of their lives at their Moms request and theirs until their Moms decided to punish me for reasons I do not know.

If there is anyone reading this or if you know of anyone suffering in silence experiencing abandoments/estrangement/shunning by their adult children please encourage them to email me at marilyn3321@att.net or the email on Praize and I will share with them how I have gotten to peace even without my adult children in my life.

I look forward to comments and communication of this topic of adult chidren estranging from their parents.

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Comments
gramma3321 - 1 week ago

Hi Sarah, thank you for commenting. I am deeply sorry for your situation. I am familiar with Luke 12: 51-53. Being familiar with that does not make the hurt go away, and I am not suggesting that is what you meant. I know it is biblical.

I am so happy you were able to connect with your daughter and do see her a few times a year and you are able to connect with your son and 3 grandchildren periodically. In my situation I have not been able to communicate with my 3 daughters for over 6 years. I have attempted communication through email, text and leaving phone messages, but I receive no response other than vitriolic emails periodically. The last one I received was in Dec. 2015. I do not respond to these emails as it would serve no purpose. I continue to send b'day cards to my daughters and have had my oldest return hers unopened last Summer. While It did hurt it was only temporary as the Lord has guided me to walk away from any anger or depression this could have caused previously.

I love my daughters and would love to have them a part of my life again and I pray everyday for this. I have accepted this may be the way it is for the rest of my life while at the same time having hope we will have a healing. I do send b'day cards, Christmas cards and gifts to my 6 grandchildren. The youngest one 13 is questionable if she is given the cards and gifts I send. The other five are 24, 23, 22, 21 and 18 and they always send me a thank you text.

What I have learned through my research on estrangement is there are online websites that actually encourage adult children to go no contact with their parents and not feel any guilt. These are scary situations, but very real.

The Lord brought me to forgiveness of my daughters 3 years ago and the anger, bitterness, etc was replaced with peace in my heart and smiles every time a memory comes to mind rather than tears. I am working on a website on forgiving estrangement however it is not public yet. I want to share with others through scripture why and how forgiveness is crucial for estranged parent(s) can have peace and move on without their adult child(ren). When I have it public I will let you know.

praizeop2 - 1 week ago

Hi, Gramma, I will write you through Praize Private Message. Praize no longer has email due to the hackers that we had to deal with repeatedly. And no promises on how soon I will get to it, but will definitely do it next week. Thank you for being here and for sharing with us so boldly. I hope that Jim (PraizeOP) and I (PraizeOP2) are not the only ones to reply to you. Blessings & love in the Lord. ~ Sarah

praizeop - 1 week ago

We, too, are having the same experiences with some of our adult children. I recently had a dream about my 42 year old daughter. In the dream she was about 10 or 12 years old and she was very adamant that she had been trying for her 8 years of school to not believe in God - probably because of the public schools she had attended.
I awoke and immediately prayed for her and reminded the enemy of her soul that she had prayed to receive Jesus & I had the privilege to baptize her when she was 12.
When she had her 1st husband divorced, she cut off contact for about 4 years until we tracked her down at her employer's business about 11 years ago. She was pregnant with my second grandson at the time. It was only by the grace of God and His peace and love within us towards her that restored a long distance semi-yearly connection.
Her brother who is a year older with 3 little red-haired girls live only 45 minutes away but we only manage 2 or 3 times a year to get together with them.
Our estrangement issues are directly related to divorce when the children were young. It caused me to surrender my life to Jesus, but I can see why God hates divorce and toll it takes on everyone involved.
BUT GOD! who is faithful to show us how to pray a covering of protection over our children. I was driving in heavy traffic last week when a memory of the many accidents in their mother's side of their lineage. I began to break the ancestral curse when the Lord reminded me that He had already answered that prayer many years earlier when I had prayed when they were young. And both my children and myself have not been involved in any traffic accidents! Hallelujah!
Luke 18:29-30 KJV
Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, 30 Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.
And that is to be our focus - in this life.
Also Luke 12:51-53 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: 52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. 53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Yes, it is an epidemic but it is a sign of His soon and very soon return, so we will keep praying for their souls to be saved by grace the same way we entered His kingdom and received eternal life.


Name: gramma3321

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About: My husband of 45 years died November 20, 2010. We have 3 daughters, 2 sons-in-law, one grandson and 5 granddaughters. The live in the midwest. I married again 4/28/2016 and now live in Fairfield Glade, TN. Now have a home on Lake Catherine and love looking out at the lake as I am on Praize.com I love to crochet, sew and quilt in addition to gardening. We have 2 bird feeders and so enjoy watching the birds visit our yard all year. Since my late husband died Nov. 10, 2010 the Holy spirit convicted me to develop a closer relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. After my daughters walked away from me 9 months after my husband's death Jesus reached down took my hand and has never let go. He comforted me when the tears would not stop, He sat beside me when I did not have the will to live; I asked Him to please take all this away - He did not but he has given me the grace and strength to move forward with my life without my daughters. The Lord has brought me an amazing Christian man who loves the Lord. We met on christian mingle.com. We were spirit connected first. The Lord has given me a wonderful new family who have included me and love me. I will always miss my daughters and pray for them everyday. I ask the Holy spirit to break the walls around their hearts where their Mother is. One day there will be a healing between us. Until then I begin my day with "thank you Lord for one day closer to a healing between my daughtes and myself. I have 6 grandchildren - 5 of whom I continue to have contact with and my two sons-in-law have been very supportive of me these past 6 years. Sometimes in life there just are no answers as to why a devastating situation such as being abandoned by your adult children occurs.

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