My Testimony by Jane Ward
It is interesting that my last post in 2012 was a testimony, and my first one in 2014 is a testimony
Has there been something you wanted and prayed for for at least a decade that you believed God wanted you to have?
And throughout that decade, you believe God showed you steps to take in order to get the promise?
Then, there’s one BIG step. . .more like a leap. . .a leap of faith you felt impressed by the Spirit to take? But there’s the reality that this leap isn’t even possible.
I was there not many weeks ago.
Something I had been praying for and about, speaking, declaring, prophesying, positioning, purposing, pressing toward for at least 10 years. The time had come for me to add some action to my faith.
There was yet one more hurdle to overcome.
My own failure, inadequacy, inability, instability, inconsistency. I had once again sabotaged my promise and become my worst enemy. Yet the voice of the Spirit was persistent, prevalent, persuasive.
And in my prayers, I wrestled with myself. I began to confess the truth to God.
Do you remember Hezekiah’s deathbed prayer (Isaiah 38) when he asked to live longer? He reminded God of his own faithfulness and good deeds. Kind of like the high Pharisee who saddled up beside the lowly publican and assured God of all his goodness in (Luke 18). I’ve heard saints of old testify of how they reminded God of how they had. . .a grocery list of good deeds and good behavior they could pinpoint that would make them worthy of the blessing. They concluded their testimony with evidence of God’s answer to their prayer, which seemed to say, “I earned it.”
As I prayed. . .on the precipice of my promise. . .I looked deep inside myself, and I realized. . .I didn’t have Hezekiah’s testimony. I searched the annals and chronicles of my spiritual history, and I had nothing to throw in God’s face as a reminder of good anything like the saints of old. And I DID NOT WANT the testimony of the self-righteous Pharisee!
In other words, I had no “reason” to give God as to why he should bless me with the promise.
For a moment, I was troubled at the fact that I didn’t feel worthy enough, or faithful enough, or righteous enough.
So, I just reminded God of my unworthiness, my unfaithfulness, my unrighteousness to receive any good thing from him. While reminding God, I reminded us both of HIS worthiness, faithfulness and righteousness. I reminded him of how he had always ALWAYS been better to me than I deserved.
After praying, I didn’t feel any more confident that God would give me what I asked for. But I didn’t feel any less confident either.
And when I took that first step. . . that leap of faith. . . to receiving my promise, then I began to see the BREAKTHROUGH that God provided. Not because I deserved it, but because he’s just that good.
He keeps his promises against the odds. While you prove over and over again that you’re not worthy, he is doing the miraculous for you. He causes you to beat the odds. He manipulates the numbers. While you’re thinking you are the tail, he’s made you the head.
He has done the impossible.
THANK YOU JESUS!
Jane Ward is one of those “old school saints,” (Titus 2:3-5) with 32+ years of being born again of the water and the Spirit (John 3:1-5 & Acts 2:38) and 31+ years of being married, three children. She is a visionary, a wordsmith, teacher and evangelist. She is executive director of a pregnancy resource center dedicated to the ministry of saving the lives of the preborn.
About: Jane Ward has been involved in ministry for 30 years. Most recently she became director at a pregnancy resource center. Jane is an author, publisher, teacher, whose passion is to connect with young women in order to share Jesus Christ with them and empower them to the abundant life Christ has made available for them. "Abundant life starts within through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. It manifests itself outwardly through godly character."Back to Blog | Add to Buddy List