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Mon, Aug 10 2009 - 05:19 PM

Weird Dream

I had this really weird dream the other night.  

 

I was going somewhere.  I got dressed and ready and left to go.  It was like I was in this gigantic motel lobby.  There was burgundy carpet and a huge stairway.  There was a lot of traffic and movement.  Everything was very ornate and it was an enormous building.

 

At one point it seemed like I was in a car nearing an uphill toll bridge but then instantly it was like I was walking through this lobby headed out but I had to go up these huge steep steps to leave.  There was all of this construction going on, so I had to creep up these stairs as I was being directed by people.  I was kind of crawling on my knees while maneuvering this piece of carpet under my legs.  I recognized one of the ladies directing traffic.  She was a former Girls in Action leader of mine when I was a child.  She now lives in my neighborhood. 

 

There were others headed up the stairs too.  We had to slowly go up the stairs on our hands and knees for safety reasons.  The person directing traffic would signal each person when it was his/her turn to start the climb to make sure everyone was spaced out properly.  If you looked to the left, you could see this huge drop off with nothing but some orange plastic tape indicating it was there.  If you went over just a few inches to the left, you would surely fall over the side. There were no rails to keep you from falling.  It was as though the rails had been torn down or maybe the steps were just being built and that part wasn’t ready yet.  All around, overhead and beside me was all of this construction going on.   

 

As I approached my former teacher, she waived and smiled.  I said to her, “My Mom, needs some peace.”

 

She said, “I know it,” as she motioned me that it was my turn to go.  (She is also friend's with my Mother).

 

Once I got to the top of the stairs, I was suddenly in my car alone driving somewhere.  I kept taking all of these turns as though I knew exactly where I was going and how to get there.  As I traveled along on my journey, it gradually became as though I didn’t really know the way but I was making all of these turns without hesitation.  It was like I didn’t know exactly how to get there, but I turned almost instinctively as though I didn’t really doubt myself.       

 

Next, I remember that I started getting a little uneasy, like I might be lost.  But I kept making turns and noticing road signs and thinking that the road name didn’t sound familiar but I kept turning like I knew exactly what I was doing. 

 

With each turn, the roads became more and more rural and eventually I was the only car on the road.  Suddenly, the road I had just turned on changed from paved to dirt.  I kept going for a ways thinking this can’t be right, but I kept driving anyway like I didn’t know what else to do, like it might end up okay.  My chest was pounding and I was very nervous.  Then the road just ended.  Right in the middle of the woods, it just ended.  It was squared off at the end like the bulldozer was cutting the road and just stopped there and disappeared.   Trees and dirt was pushed up and then there were just woods.  I was at the end of the road, literally.  It led no where. 

 

It was starting to get dark outside.  I was in the middle of these dense woods surrounded by nothing but tall pine trees as far as I could see ahead of me and on both sides of me.  I was afraid.

 

I began to panic. 

 

Where am I?  Where was I going?”   I could not remember where I was trying to go.  It was like I just forgot where I was headed.  Nothing was familiar and I really didn’t recall where I was going in the first place. 

 

I turned the car around and started to pray.  “God, I don’t know where I am and I cannot remember where I was trying to go.  Help me.” 

 

In between words to God, I was talking to myself.  I kept asking myself, “Where was I going?  Think Brandi, why can’t you remember where you were going?  What is wrong with me?  Where am I and where was I headed!  Where?  Just think.”  It didn’t help.  I couldn’t remember where I was going or why.      

 

I prayed some more…..”God, please surround my car with your angels and help me get out of here”.

 

I started going back the way I just came but I was terrified and so confused about why I couldn’t remember where I was going in the first place.  I was looking for anything familiar--- road names, buildings anything to give me a clue.   I literally had no idea where I was, not what city, or for that matter, even what state I was in.   I was clueless and disturbed.

 

I drove back into a town but it wasn’t a town I was familiar with.  I saw a mall and I thought, well, I can go in that restaurant and ask where I am.  Everyone will think I am weird but I need to know what city and state I am in. 

 

I walked into this restaurant and stopped a waitress to ask and that is when I woke up. 

 

I immediately asked myself, “Does this dream have a spiritual meaning?”   I knew instantly that it did.

 

So, I started to think about it and break down key points:

 

 

---crawling through the construction zone.  All the things going on in my life, the craziness, the debt, the job I hate, the busy-ness… it is “construction”.  It is God’s construction.  He is using it to build something in me and those I care about and He is using it to prepare a way a way for me.  Things are being changed and improved but it is a little “messy” right now—just like a construction site. 

 

---so close to falling over the edge.  I think that is so pertinent to my life right now.  I feel like I am falling or just one breath away from it!   I think God might be telling me: “slow down, crawl—don’t try to walk or run, be careful.  If you step wrong you might fall and get hurt.  Just slow down and ease through all of the “construction”.  It is an uphill climb.  You’ll have to do some creative maneuvering but you can make it—just watch for the orange warning tape.  I’ll give you clues when you are about to fall.  Watch for them.”

 

---the driving like I know where I am going but I don’t…..So me.  Gotta put up that “everything is okay front”.  Feeling like “it is all up to me”.  Trying to be in control.  Refusing to ask for help or look for clearer directions.   Well, I ask God for help but I don’t always “hear” His answers.  I always just keep trying it my way with different turns and twists hoping I can make it better, hoping I’ll reach the goal, hoping I’ll see my family happy, healthy, and in tune with God?  Why do I insist on driving all the time? Do I “think” I know where I am going?  The dream may be saying to me that I don’t know where I am going and I need to admit that to myself and to God.

 

---after driving a while, I am lost but I don’t stop….. In my life, things seem chaotic.  I have spiritual restlessness but I keep doing the same old things.  I keep driving as though it will just go away and I’ll “get there” eventually if I keep trying.  It is the fear of just throwing up my hands, getting on my knees and giving it all to God.  I know I need to surrender.  I know I cannot do it without Him.  I know it is ridiculous to think I have any power, but yet I keep holding on to “all of it”—the burdens, worries, issues, hopes etc.  I keep “driving”. ....striving.  

 

---the end of the road… Yikes, that could mean a lot of things.  If I keep going like I am with built up stress, overweight, chest pains and stomach knots, I could be a heart attack waiting to happen.  So, it could signify literally the “end of the road” for me. 

 

I think it could also mean that I have just reached my wits end.  I have driven and driven and driven and tried and tried and tried and ended up in the middle of nowhere with no true idea of where I should have been trying to go in the first place.  I “lost my way” because of all the confusion and all of the driving.  Now I am stuck and don’t know which way to go.  I am not even sure where I am going or how far away I am from where God wants me to be or where anything is that makes sense.  Everything is just hard.

As my sister pointed out, it could also mean that God just hasn't paved the rest of the way yet.

 

--surrounded by the woods….I feel that am “there” in my life.  I am at the end of the road in the middle of the woods and it is getting dark and I have no idea where I am going.  I’m nervous and a little confused.  The bulldozer didn’t finish cutting the road I am on so does that mean I am on the wrong road?  I cannot "see" what is next or what is going on around me.   I feel somewhat trapped by my circumstances with no way out. 

 

--- finally asking, “where am I”….. is that what I need to do?  Do I need to just really talk to Jesus and ask, “where am I and where am I headed?”  How do I be certain to hear His answer?  Maybe it isn't time for me to know the answer to that question.  ?? 

 

Okay, so I quickly determined the dream means something.  It definitely has spiritual meaning to me.   

 

What do I do now?   I guess the real question is where does He want me to go? 

 

In my dream, I was in my car all alone traveling alone on the highways.  Jesus doesn’t want us going anywhere alone.  He also doesn’t want us “driving” in our life.  He wants to drive and we should be in the passenger seat.  HE doesn’t get lost or take the wrong roads.  He knows where we are supposed to be going and He doesn’t forget!  So, had I been traveling with Him, I would not have been alone.

 

How can I learn to let Him drive?

 

I am beginning to realize that I think (worry actually) too far ahead.  I worry about tomorrow when there may not be a tomorrow.  Is the answer to just deal with today?   Just today.   Can that work for things like the financial crisis that I am in?  I know it could work for my health and probably my job.  Just focus on getting through the day and doing what is right in God’s site.

 

What can I do “today” that will get me back on the path of God’s Will?

 

I know that I have to leave the end of the road in the woods.  I cannot stay at that point of confusion and frenzy.  The answer won’t just come….it is getting dark.  I have to move. 

 

I have to drive toward Jesus and ask for directions.  I’m just worried that I won’t be able to hear His answer.  There I go again, worrying!

 

My answers have to be in His Word.  

I was looking back at my old blog posts.  I could see a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Over the last 2+ years, I have been stressed and worried a lot.  That is wrong.  It is cleary a sin.  The Bible says "be anxious for NOTHING".  I can see from my posts that I haven't been winning the battle of the mind very often!   And the Bible says that we must take our thoughts captive for Christ.  I"ve been wrong in allowing Satan to control my thoughts by way of worry and stress.  I don't want to be that way anymore! 

Lord Jesus, help me overcome my lack of trust and belief in You and Your willingness to help me in my circumstances.  Forgive me for not being more trusting and patient.  I do trust You.  I know that Your power is without limit.   I believe that You can change my circumstances.  I need help believing that You will do it for me.   I need help learning to trust while I wait and learning to wait patiently while I trust.  Thank You that Your grace is new everyday.  Thank you for dying on the cross and healing all of my diseases and distresses.  Thank You that You never give up on me and never leave my side--even when I try to drive on my own.  Lord, help me to release all of my circumstances and burdens into Your able hands.  Amen 

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Name: worknmom

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About: I am a married, working mother with 2 children a daughter age 17 and a son age 14. I have a passion for writing and feel led to work with pre-teen girls. I blog mostly about my spiritual journey as I seek God's perfect will for my life.

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