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Mon, Apr 20 2009 - 07:02 PM

Wandering and Wondering

No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth!  I've just been "wandering in the desert" for awhile! 

I had something happen that kind of threw me into a state of confusion and maybe a little depression.  I write a lot. I've written devotions, e-books, homeschool curriculum supplements, poems, songs, the beginning of a book etc.  Most all of these things, I feel to have been from God--and still do. 

But here is what happened.... our computer crashed and I lost EVERYTHING--all of my writings for the last 7-8 years, all of my daughter's homeschool records, all of my songs, all of my business ideas, all of my email addresses, all of my poems, all of it--gone.  Our friend who built our computer tried to recover everything but just couldn't.  Thankfully, our pictures were not lost.   REally the only thing that was lost was my stuff.  Odd, huh?

I was devasted!  I cried like a baby.  So much time, heart and soul were put in my writings.  Even if they never meant a thing to another person, they meant something to me!  

I have really yet to be able to fully deal with it.  I am confused more than anything?  Why would God let that happen if the words were from Him?  How do I start to rebuild the information?  Should I rebuild the information?  What does it mean?  Is God trying to tell me something? All of these questions and more have gone through my head over and over since it happened. 

I have definitely prayed about it.  My sister was really worried about me but she said she felt like God told her to tell me "all is not lost".   That made me feel a little better.  And as it turns out, here and there, I have been able to retrieve some of what I lost through friends and family from where I sent them an email or printed copies for their input.  IT is hard for me not to dwell on all the stuff that was lost though.  I don't even know everything that was there!  I just know how much of my heart was in it and it hurts to know it is gone with no way to replace it.

Yet, God knew it was going to happen.  He could have prevented it from happening, but He didn't.  So, I know that there is a purpose.  Perhaps it was to direct my focus to Him--a new, fresh look.  Perhaps it was to zap my pride.  Perhaps it was to just shake me up a bit causing me have faith despite it all.

Whatever the case, it has sort of made me feel like I was "wandering in the desert", confused, tired, uncertain but trying to "hear" from God, trying to determine my next steps, "wondering" what I should do?  

I don't have the answers yet, but have accepted that what is gone, is gone.  I don't have to understand why.  I just have to trust that God, who never acts contradictory to His Word, loves me and would never do anything to harm me.

So, there you have it!  I have just been wandering and wondering.  Praying that I can "let go" of all my worries, fears and control and just be able to discern God's will not only for this situation, but for my life.

I hope you all had a great Easter.  I saw a sign outside of a local church here that I thought was so great.  It said, "YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN!"  Isn't that so true, Amen!   

We had a great Easter sunrise service!  I love sunrise service.  The preacher really focused on WHY Jesus died and rose again-- He did it because he LOVED us.  He says we forget sometimes that He did it out of LOVE--not obligation, but LOVE.  He longs to be close to us.  He longs for us not to just to know Him but for us to let Him get to know us by building a real relationship with Him.  It is all about His great Love for us.

As the song says....  Amazing Love, how can it be, that you My King would die for me?    Amazing love, I know its true, and its my joy to honor you.  In all I do, I'll honor you.   You are my King, Jesus. You are my King.

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Name: worknmom

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About: I am a married, working mother with 2 children a daughter age 17 and a son age 14. I have a passion for writing and feel led to work with pre-teen girls. I blog mostly about my spiritual journey as I seek God's perfect will for my life.

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