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Wed, Jan 07 2009 - 03:45 PM

Walking along

It is slow, but I am moving along.  I am still feeling down low.  I have restarted my study written by Joyce Meyer.  It is called "The Battlefield of the Mind"...I think I have it right.  It was really good, I enjoyed doing that last night.  The kids were all in bed and it was peaceful. 

I think part of my problem is where I live.  I am enjoying it, but finding like minded others who believe in Jesus is like searching for rare and exotic gems *grin*.  So I have made friends with several non believers.  And somedays it is abit frustrating.  Only because I am constantly being warned about rougher people who live in the building.  I am not scared, because it is highly unlikely that I am going ever sit down and cross any of them.  I am not at all into that lifestyle - where people hide and run and live under the cloud of drugs.  My brother almost died afew years ago from his addiction to drugs.  I won't sit with others who want to abuse themselves, because I am against it.  I have had one lady though...this is really cool.  She came up to me to wish me a Happy New Years.  And I had afew New Years drinks myself....yes..I did.  I was all alone through out the holidays and it was my first.  So I was trying to cope with it all.  I did ok.  Anyways, she was upset and she was wasted (drunk).  So she apologized to me and told me that she was feeling so lost.  I saw my opportunity to tell her that we are all alittle lost, some more than others and that I understood how she felt.  But - I had accepted Christ and wasn't so lonely anymore.  She didn't run away screaming lol.  She instead asked me - pretty much begged me to take her to my church.  So I said if I can find a ride for everyone (because I don't drive), that she could join us.  I didn't get the ride, but I saw her afew days after Sunday (I missed church myself - sad).  But she said that she made it to a church!!!  I thought that that was great!! 

I almost wonder somedays if this is where the Lord has put me for now, for a reason.  But I am just not a strong enough person.  I don't think that I could make a difference for anyone.  I can only share with them my own experiences....but that also since I am under construction...that I make alot of mistakes still.  I am so glad that Jesus forgives me when I ask and repent.  I think as well, that I was feeling down because I was under conviction of choices and I wasn't paying attention. 

I have been doing alot of reading on afew different topics.  The biggest topics that are of real interest to me are the reasons for divorce, and deliverance.  I have been reading a book by Frank Retief, called "Divorce" that a dear friend sent to me from Australia and I have read it so many times now that the binding is starting to get alittle loose.  The only book that I have read so far on deliverance was called "Unbound".  It is interesting.  I also have a book that is helping me to understand how our children are being exposed to so much tainted things on the television.  I have to restart reading it, as I put that one down in the summer and I have been too busy to pick it up again.

Other then all that, I am really trying to pick up my feet and work with my children.  I am homeschooling them, and being blue just doesn't help motivate me.  We are doing pretty good though.  My friend is helping me with my older daughter and she has offered to let my older son join in some classes as well.  I have abit extra work to do with my youngest, things that I somehow let slide.  So we have some work cut out for us, it isn't too much though.   It won't take long. 

Well...that is it I think for today.  I am feeling abit better.  I want to thank everyone for their kind words they left in the comments area.  And thank you for your prayers.  I have a hard time reaching out to others where I live, because I just don't feel comfortable with the people that were friends with me and MY husband.  I feel watched and judged.  No one knows how it was, because he is so good at being perfect.  Anyways, thank you again.

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Name: pearables

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About: I think of myself as under constant construction. God is always working on me...even when I am not always paying attention, or when I am struggling with the blues. I am married, but I have been separated now for almost a year. I have three children and we are homeschooling. Life is definitely not what I had thought it would be...not easy - yet not too hard. Life is what you make of it.

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