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Tue, Jan 06 2009 - 01:34 PM

Another day

Today is Monday.  I am trying to get myself motivated to homeschool my younger two boys.  My daughter is at my friends bakery helping her get caught up for today.  She is quite independent, so she will work on her school work after she gets done. 

I just received in the mail this afternoon, the papers from the court hearing.  My husband had to attend court for child support.  He has been doing well and paying the child support.  It was hard to get used to having to budget and balance things out on my own.  But now I am doing pretty good I think. 

I have started to make some new friends here where we live.  And it is nice, but I have to really careful.  We live in a rougher area, because the rent is affordable and it includes our utilities.  I have to only pay for internet, phone and cable.  But the cable I hooked up to get us through the winter lol.  Then it gets shut off, because we really don't need it.  There is nothing decent on anyways.  Another really good thing is that my three children have each made a friend as well. 

Today I am a little blue.  I don't really know why.  I was over at my friends last night, she lives on the floor below us.  So we are either there or here *grin*.  She is really nice and also a single mom.  It is her three kids that are friends also with my children.  But her boyfriend (my next door neighbour) is always warning me about things and it is starting to get on my nerves.  I am not interested in who does what in these buildings.  It isn't my business.  I stay out those people's way.  I think I am going to start looking for low income housing here.  I think he is acting the way he is, because he feels guilty.  He had introduced me to his friend after we moved here.  His friend is always very polite and super is my neighbour.  So his friend started coming around my place....nothing funny, because I am not into messing with that sort of thing.  But he wanted to date me, and I liked him.  I have learned that appearances aren't much to go on.  Even though I was up front and told him that I believe in Jesus, and that anyone who wants to date me had to go to church with me.  He was quite shocked and came back after awhile and said he would like to go to church.  I thought great, then I will spend sometime with you.  I am really glad that it never got serious, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I did say no.  I wasn't ready for any relationships.  But I liked talking and walking.  He gave great hugs.  I needed that and it really helped me to feel better.  But he has a girlfriend and he lives with her.  Though he told me they weren't together and that he lived somewhere else.  He lied about everything and even to my children.  I am so confused.  He wasn't a Christian and yet he was so kind and seemed to care....and my husband claims to be a Christian and he treated us there no really nice guys anymore who are for real?  I know there has to be, but they must becoming extinct.  Because I haven't seen any here and I moved here this summer.  Am I really looking?  No lol. Should I be?  No.  I will leave things in God's hands, and his His timing.  :)

I am returning again...later in the day to add more to my post from earlier. I am really having a hard day today. I feel like crying. Went and had a long soak, and should of put some essential oils in the water to lift up my spirits. Talked to Jesus for quite a while. I know what my problem is, in away. Loneliness - it is awful. I haven't any family here and my whole family are non believers. And since my husband and I separated...I don't have too many friends either. They think that I should return to my husband. I have had enough. 14 years of stuff - and not much happiness has just taken its tole. I was lonely in my marriage and even as a youth. So nothing has really changed. I think today I am very depressed. I am mostly upset because of what someone said to me last night. Caught me off guard and upset me. Also I was drinking. I don't drink a lot...actually I quit drinking years ago when my children were born. But I have started social drinking. I don't drink heavily though. Enough to relax.

I have to stop thinking like this...grab onto life and just shake this off.

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Name: pearables

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About: I think of myself as under constant construction. God is always working on me...even when I am not always paying attention, or when I am struggling with the blues. I am married, but I have been separated now for almost a year. I have three children and we are homeschooling. Life is definitely not what I had thought it would be...not easy - yet not too hard. Life is what you make of it.

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